Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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