I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
