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What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
