Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
