I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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