she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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