He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
