Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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