I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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