dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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