And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
