my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
