So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
NoShamevember. You game?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
