Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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