We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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