that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The beer is more important than you right now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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