I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
