dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
