Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
