I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
