Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
