If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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