no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
