I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
