it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She bit a glass in half.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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