mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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