I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
