HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
