i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When are your genitals available?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
