Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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