if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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