Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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