Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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