He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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