I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
