I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
