Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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