My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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