Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Randomize
