Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
