How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
