My brain says no but my pants say off.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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