it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
