Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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