But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
