Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
