i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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