Texts From Last Night

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.

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  (815): Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long. http://tfl.nu/t49w
  Replies (7) Good night (3566) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.

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  (814): Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside. http://tfl.nu/psku
  Replies (10) Good night (1248) Bad night (3567) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."

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  (314): There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run." http://tfl.nu/6vvj
  Replies (17) Good night (6883) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..

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  (860): My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen.. http://tfl.nu/c7n8
  Replies (15) Good night (5241) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car

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  (713): Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car http://tfl.nu/eifp
  Replies (11) Good night (3443) Bad night (1029) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.

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  (571): you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were. http://tfl.nu/2fw7
  Replies (5) Good night (2276) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't think we should have started that trash fire

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  (215): I don't think we should have started that trash fire http://tfl.nu/5qs5
  Replies (14) Good night (1836) Bad night (1306) Order T-Shirt
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.

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  (912): thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit. http://tfl.nu/e0ki
  Replies (12) Good night (1083) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.

  (682): View more from Texas

  They're mostly guys

  (817): View more from Texas

  Early bird gets the worm.

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  (817): I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single. (682): They're mostly guys (817): Early bird gets the worm. http://tfl.nu/9qay
  Replies (7) Good night (2357) Bad night (417)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.

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  (605): Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again. http://tfl.nu/g0yk
  Replies (5) Good night (1096) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I've fallen from my one moral pedestal

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  (865): I've fallen from my one moral pedestal http://tfl.nu/rkax
  Replies (3) Good night (450) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk

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  (908): I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk http://tfl.nu/wvk1
  Replies (6) Good night (410) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
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  (779): View more from Illinois

  He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.

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  (779): He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud. http://tfl.nu/emwq
  Replies (3) Good night (812) Bad night (180) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  I love you more by the minute

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  (917): I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning (1-917): I love you more by the minute http://tfl.nu/4g8c
  Replies (6) Good night (1322) Bad night (225)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.

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  (815): Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down. http://tfl.nu/94ky
  Replies (5) Good night (651) Bad night (195)

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