So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
