1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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