Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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