I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
