My cat gives me a boner
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Randomize
