omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
