I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
