So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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