I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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