operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
