i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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