apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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