My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I love having hate sex.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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