I like my sex mixed with concussions.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am mentally ready for anal.
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