Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
this will be a night to untag.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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