There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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