she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
