is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
