nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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