Plan B is the new Plan A
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
