I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
