i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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