She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
